1 Corinthians gives us a great definition of love: patient, kind, long-suffering, forgiving, etc.. For those people I love, this is not a problem . . . for the most part. I’m not perfect, but I am more than willing to go the extra mile for them, sacrificing for their well-being. But I’m talking about the true, deep love which is willing to risk the friendship for their well-being.
Is it love to allow someone to continue in harmful behavior without saying anything? If your child is about to touch a hot stove, is it love to let him touch it? Of course not. You don’t want him to suffer pain needlessly. So you scold him. Or maybe you administer a swat, just to get his attention, so he learns to listen to and obey you. Suppose your child is learning to cook in the kitchen. If he is learning to cook doughnuts in a deep fryer, are you going to tell him that hot oil and water don’t mix? Or do you figure it’s more loving to let him experience exploding hot oil, leaving blisters all over his face and hands? Suppose your teen is learning to drive. Do you give him advice? Or do you figure that experience is the best teacher - even if it means he loses an arm or a leg in a serious accident because you didn’t tell him something that could have prevented the tragedy? All of these situations seem ludicrous! Of course, we’re going to do what we can to help
our children avoid unnecessary pain.
But that doesn’t mean that consequences are suspended. If our child breaks the rules, he needs to know that the consequences are not negotiable. That is, if you tell your kid that he has to be home by midnight or he will be grounded, you can’t tell him to “do better next time” when he misses curfew for no good reason!
So if God teaches us how to love our children with godly love and wisdom, why do we have such trouble loving other people? Why do we hesitate to lovingly point out where a behavior is ungodly and will cause pain needlessly? Or is it just me?
I know that part of the problem is that I don’t like conflict. I don’t like making people unhappy with me. But am I really loving my friend if I say nothing? In the short term, our relationship may appear to be good. But if I believe she is engaging in behavior that is ungodly and displeasing to the Father, then my first loyalty is to God. And I must make a choice. I can’t participate in ungodly behavior because then my relationship with God is impaired. But if I don’t participate with her, then my relationship with that friend will grow more distant. It’s so very hard to be courageous enough to speak up when it’s not popular, but if I wish to have healthy and mutually beneficial friendship long-term, what choice do I have?
Genuine love for my friend means speaking the truth in love, even when she doesn’t want to hear it. I may offend my friend, and, in the short term, it may look like I’ve lost her. But if she truly loves God, I will have gained a closer friend in the end . . . because I have pursued loving her with God’s love.