Sometimes when I'm trying to determine what God is saying to me, I consider what I have remembered from bible readings or studies that has stuck with me. Here I am a few days removed from the study and that phrase keeps resounding in my ears. To what or whom am I really committed? To my husband and family? Yes! To my friends? Most of the time. My work? Yes unless it conflicts with the teachings of the Lord. To myself? I think of myself way too often! I call this "pride". To my Lord and Savior? I think that I am. I want to be. But I know that many times I think more of what I want to do and how I want to do it, than what or how I should it- as for the Lord.
For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
2 Chronicles 16:9 (NIV)
I have committed myself to many people and many things in my lifetime but I know that I have not always kept those commitments. Oh, you know, it may have looked okay on the outside but when it came right down to it, my heart was not completely "in" to fulfilling what I said that I would do. I just wanted to get it finished even if the job wasn't to the best of my ability. It was simply something I could cross off my list as "done". The work was done half-heartedly, not whole-heartedly, or fully committed. I only went through the motions of doing it well. Cynthia and I co-taught at the Feast one year and she had sewn a couple of hearts to use as object lessons. Obviously it made quite an impact on me if I still remember and refer back to them after all this time. The hearts were in all kinds of conditions: whole, part, half. The lesson was to demonstrate to the kids what kind of heart the Lord is looking for in His people. This is so applicable to all of our lives, isn't it? What condition do we find our heart in when we do a close examination of our daily lives?
This is where Bill's study and 2 Chronicles 16:9 lead me: I want to live my life for the purpose of fulfilling what the Lord gives me to do and I don't want it to be something to just check off of a "to-do" list. When I think of the LORD's eyes on me, I want Him to see my heart and know at a glance that it is full to the brim with devotion to Him, first and always. Yet, upon examination of my heart, I can conclude that this is not always the case. Too many times I choose to do that which is self-serving; out of selfish ambition. When I examine my heart, its true condition is revealed. On days that I feel out-of-sorts, restless, and weak, is it because I am not putting the Lord first, like I said I would when I declared Him my God and Savior? How can He, and why would He, strengthen someone whose heart is divided in its devotion to Him?
During the study, Bill also reminded us of the meaning of "good", the Hebrew word "tov"- be where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to do. This is what I, and many others, want to hear upon the return of Jesus:
"Well done, good and faithful servant".
Matthew 25:21 (NIV)
The conclusion of my reflection on "fully committed" is that I want to completely and whole-heartedly serve the Lord. I want my days to be lived well and good, and faithfully devoted to Him.